Australia, For Now

The final weeks of July were among the hardest of my life, emotionally speaking.

It's all very boring and I only write it here to explain that I have had nothing else to think or write about on account of how all-consuming that fortnight was. Apologies. It didn't help that this conditional despair was introduced just before I was due to fly back to Australia for 2.25 months, so it felt like the clock was ticking and the sheer stress of leaving Paris without some resolution was insidious. I had crawled inside my own head and become lost.

36 hours before my flight back to Sydney, however, I managed to have yet another one of those incredibly difficult but also very rewarding conversations that feel like progress. Relief. Calm. Suddenly, I was looking forward to going back to Australia and seeing my family. My two worlds were complete and could exist at once. Many very good friends helped me to this point and I cannot be more grateful to them.

Also, I developed shingles. The pain has been hideous and perhaps just as disturbing, for me at least, the sight of the rash. I wanted to claw it off my body. I went to a different doctor to get the diagnosis as mine was unavailable and conducted the entire appointment in French, of which I was proud, but also she said that I was too late for the most effective treatment.

'Now there is only pain,' she said.

There is a lesson in here somewhere. I shan't be learning it.

On Wednesday night, feeling myself again, the evening hit 38C and I saw some of my closest Paris friends for a final round of drinks before my flight the next morning. Ella brought a container filled with ice cubes that I could place in my wine as the bar we were at did not have glaçon and the French have a terrible habit of keeping their white wine at approximately 24C.

As we drank and laughed I looked at my friends who were able to make it and I wanted to cry. I was so happy. And lucky.

I was upgraded to business on the way home and spent the 22-odd hour flight in a mixture of extreme comfort and debilitating nerve pain. At Singapore, I basically showered in Calamine lotion and dressed my healing rash like the Egyptians would a departing Pharaoh.

Right now, I am in Sydney with terrible jetlag.

Soon, I will see Deb and give her the biggest hug. Then, my sister and my niece and nephew. Then, the wedding. Together with her soon-to-be sister-in-law we will be Master of Ceremonies and I cannot wait.

Love to you all.